Kingston, NY

Kingston is the setting of a Lifetime movie. An intelligent, modern day Laura Ingalls Wilder is working the register at her family's antique shop. A British duke enters on a quest to find his ancestors' tea set. Of course he is captured by her knowledge of maritime captains and is impressed one day when he sees her expertly navigate her boat out of the way of the Rip Van Winkle ferry on the Hudson. He invites her to share the raspberries he got at the farmers market and of course accidentally sits on one and ruins his linen high waisted trousers so they go back to her house and end up making out on an ivy covered wall. Her grandma finds out (because she's perched in the 18 inch window wells just like great great grandmother used to do) and tries to split them up because the British attempted to burn down her family's house 350 years ago.

You are allowed to live in Kingston if:

• You came as a tourist and never left because you love transportation from the early 1900s (boats, trolleys, stage coaches, etc.)

  
  

• You got on a bus from further upstate trying to get to Manhattan but accidentally got off early and think this is the West Village

  
  

• You can prove that 91.8% of your wardrobe is second hand

  
  

• You are a man that escaped from New York City through the sewer system

  
  

• You are a woman that can crochet a bucket hat without a pattern

  
  

• You are the personification of key lime pie or strawberry shortcake, can be a man or a woman

  
  

• You are Diane Keaton

If you're thinking well that's basically everybody, there's no way they all get along, thankfully there's one thing that brings everybody in Kingston together and that is their love for Dallas hot wieners. (????)

Kingston is a cute, clean, inviting, and aesthetic place that is shockingly easy to get to from the capital of the world. It feels surprisingly large even though you can zip around (me in a 2024 Chevy Malibu skrt skrt). If I were more interested in history it would probably earn more positive adjectives but for now, for me, it will be a place to acquire fun, conversation-starting décor and clothing from the years around when women could get their first credit cards, and maybe learn to be upbeat like the shop owners.

All in all, I am too angry of a person to live in such a wholesome city. Due to the town goers non-confrontational benevolence I would accidentally become dictator with subliminal bullying of their endearing oddities and eventually bring the town down with intense corporate capitalism and legally enforced uniformity. I would feel badly, because I am from Wisconsin after all, so to spare everyone I'm scratching Kingston from the list.

If you'll excuse me, in my last few hours here I've got a hot batch of wax ready to pour into candles and should really get to writing a poetry anthology in the back garden, but I've misplaced my pen and ink and am having trouble finding it by just the light of the cast iron lantern in my room. Also on the list? Befriending a bird as I whistle and sweep the foyer (maybe a whole flock?).